Origin Wounds: Why the Past Keeps Showing Up in Your Relationships — Vienna Pharaon
Have you ever reacted to something in a relationship and wondered, where did that come from?
Vienna Pharaon is a licensed marriage and family therapist, founder of Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy, and bestselling author of The Origins of You. Her work explores the origin wounds we carry around worthiness, belonging, prioritization, trust, and safety—and how experiences from our past can continue shaping the way we love in the present.
In this episode, Robin and Vienna explore why we can understand our patterns and still find ourselves repeating them. They talk about the moments that activate old wounds, dysregulation as active self-protection, and what it actually takes to respond differently instead of falling back into familiar roles.
Together, they explore what changes when we understand not only our own history, but the history of the people we love. Because healing isn’t about never being triggered or never getting it wrong. It’s about creating enough space to make a different choice, repair more quickly, and stay connected through the hard moments. As Vienna says, healing is the shift from survival to choice.
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/loveready.
IN THIS EPISODE
(00:00:00) Introduction
(00:04:12) Vienna’s Origin Story
(00:07:36) Why We Repeat the Same Relationship Patterns
(00:09:23) What It Looks Like to Do Something Different
(00:15:32) What Are Origin Wounds?
(00:20:35) Dysregulation as Active Self-Protection
(00:24:54) How a Prioritization Wound Shows Up
(00:30:15) Why Awareness Alone Isn’t Enough
(00:35:43) Healing: From Survival to Choice
(00:36:49) Why Knowing Your Partner’s Story Matters
(00:39:37) How Healthy Relationships Move Through Hard Things
(00:44:22) Origin Wounds & Inner Child Work
(00:48:23) Does Healing Mean You Stop Getting Triggered?
(00:51:04) Why Romantic Relationships Activate Our Wounds
(00:58:16) Changing Long-Standing Relationship Patterns
(01:00:31) Doing the Work While You’re Single
(01:04:57) Parenting, Repair & Owning Our Mistakes
(01:09:00) The Myth That Healthy Love Should Be Easy
(01:12:21) What Is Love?
QUOTES
“One of the greatest loving gifts that we give to each other is to learn about each other’s origin stories and wounds and histories.” — Vienna Pharaon
“I believe that you cannot love better without first understanding what you’re carrying.” — Robin Ducharme
“It is not about wishing or wanting for the absence of hard. It’s about being able to go through the hard and stay connected with one another and come out the other side. That is what builds secure, healthy relationships.” — Vienna Pharaon
“We have to open our minds to this concept, because this whole thing of falling in love on the first date, second date, third date—you don’t know this person. You really don’t. It’s important to get to know somebody over time and through conflict, through all the things.” — Robin Ducharme
“Context doesn’t excuse behavior, but it is the bridge. It really helps us move into that space of compassion while still holding accountability and ownership and responsibility.” — Vienna Pharaon
ABOUT THE GUEST
Vienna Pharaon is a licensed marriage and family therapist and one of New York City’s most sought after relationship therapists. She has practiced therapy for more than 17 years and is the founder and owner of the group practice, Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy. She received her masters of science in Marriage & Family Therapy from Northwestern University. Her book The Origins of You is a national best seller.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mindfulmft/
Website: https://viennapharaon.com/
Substack: https://substack.com/@viennapharaon
The Origins of You (book): https://a.co/d/02lkGkBC
What's Your Origin Wound (free) Quiz: https://1wsm6geg69z.typeform.com/to/d981R7Cl
GET THE REAL LOVE READY BOOK
Real Love Ready: A Guide to Relational Literacy is a clear, compassionate guide to the knowledge, skills, and daily practices that help us love with greater intention, truth, and heart.
https://geni.us/RealLoveReadyBook
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