Let’s Talk Love Podcast Episode 128 - Real Love Ready: A Conversation with Robin Ducharme & Monique Gray Smith | Transcript

31.03.26

This transcript is from the Let’s Talk Love Podcast, available in our Podcast Feed.

Monique Gray Smith l Oh, what a gift to be sitting with you. My name is Monique gray Smith, and I have this gift to be sitting with Robin Ducharme, who has recently released her brand new and first ever book, real love ready, Guide to relational literacy. Yes, a huge celebration, especially when you think about that the first seed and the watering of that seed was only a year ago, not even quite a year ago, and here we are sitting with your book beside us like that is truly remarkable. It is so congratulations. Thank you, Monique, you're very welcome. It is a privilege to be sitting with you.

Robin Ducharme l Well, I'm so grateful that you took this time and all of your support, all of your guidance. When I first started writing this book, you were the first person that I thought of reaching out to. Because I've never written a book in my life. I mean, how the heck do you go about writing a book? Well, you talk to like, it's funny, because that is like a pattern in my life. It's like, if I don't know something, I Who do I? Who's the expert that I need to find to teach me how to do it? Right? Yeah. And, of course, I thought it was Monique gray Smith. I mean, you are an author. You've written, like, how many books now? 1313, books. And of course, I'm going to talk to you. And so I had asked you to, like, to teach me how to do it. What is the process? How do you even get started? And you were instrumental in just like, helping me, like, you know, for those months and months, formulate ideas, it truly has been a joy.

Monique Gray Smith l Yeah, a joy. And when I held your book today for the very first time, I was very emotional, because I know the work that it takes and the sacrifices and the compromises and the joy, also to work through what what stays in a book and what comes out of a book until the next one. We'll just say that for now, right? So let's dive in. I've got some questions for you, some curiosities, some wonderings. Let's go on a little journey for you and I to have a conversation, but also those who join us to learn more about you, to learn more about your beautiful book and to learn more about the philosophies that you have woven into real love. Ready, one of the aspects of your book, real love ready, a guide to relational literacy, are the stories that you share. Stories are a wonderful way to support readers to connect to information and to content, but I'd love to hear how the idea of the story came to you to write this book, and why.

Robin Ducharme l Now the idea was to distill all of the teachings that the relational teachings that I've learned from the best of the best in real love ready. You know, as a company, we've had the honor and privilege of meeting and talking to in person or on Zoom and learning from the best teachers about relationships. These are the doctors, the therapists, the coaches, psychotherapists that have dedicated their life's work to teaching us all how to be better in relationship. And so, you know, I've read hundreds of books, I've speak, I've had these conversations. And I was thinking, this is the natural progression for my business, for our company, to turn the learnings. You know, we've got the podcast that we do in bloom every year. But I was like, I want to make, I want to create a book that brings the teachings to one place and distill those learnings. And it's funny how you know, in the creative process, you know this as an author, I didn't really, I didn't know where my book was going to go, like you don't know until you start writing, right? And I thought it was just going to be a compilation of all the learnings, like, this is what Dr Terry real taught me. This is what Esther Perel taught me the gottmans. You know, you go go through the list of all these incredible teachers, and then it turned into, well, this is how I learned this piece, was through this teacher and then applied in my own life. And I thought, That's it, you know, weaving my stories in to the relational education that I was given over these past seven years. Maia, I was thinking I started this company seven years ago. Wow. And, and I look back and I'm like, actually, I've been a student of love since I was a little girl, like, for real, like I've been fascinated by it and wanting to learn and and I just, I guess I just came to this realization about this didn't start seven years ago. My journey of loving, love has been was way before that, but now it's like I've got the real tools to that have made a difference in my own life and my relationships. And it's like I want to be I want to be able to share that in a very practical way, with with our with with the world.

Monique Gray Smith l Mm. Maia, thank you for connecting us to your life and to your stories. Because at the very beginning of the book, you take us to Santa Fe, New Mexico, and to a little gift shop where you see a cross that has the words on it love wide. And I'm curious, what does it mean to love wide, and how is this book a gift to those who want to love wide

Robin Ducharme l I remember the day that I walked into that gift shop and I was in Santa Fe, New Mexico to take our transformational, transformational speaking course with the great Gail Larsen, who we are friends with, who we have both learned under on how to speak, to help, right, share your message. And when I walked into that little store in New Mexico and I saw the cross, I like, first of all, like, I'm a Catholic girl, like, not practicing, but I was, I grew up Catholic, and the cross, like, caught my eye, but it was because it was like this whimsical, colorful, beautiful, cross and love wide. I'd never heard that before. Like, you hear love big, or, you know, who's ever heard of love wide? I had never heard of it and said that way and or even printed that way. And I thought that's, that's really amazing, because to me, when I when I read that and it landed, I thought that means, like, loving, like being loving on a grand scale. It's not reserving love for one person or, you know, it's loving the world we're in, the life we have the people that are in it. I mean, I have the, you know, I just, I think of it where I live, and like when I look out at the ocean every day, I'm filled with love, yes, and I'm filled with gratitude for the land that I get to live on, and the home I live in, and and this beauty that I'm surrounded by. And I look for beauty everywhere, you know. And I think loving wide means that it means all of it. It's encompassing. You know, it's all encompassing.

Monique l So how do you think your book is a gift to those who want to learn how to love wide

Robin l I think, I think that's what it is Monique is, that's what I'm inviting people to do from the very beginning of the book, is to start looking at life in a very different way. Is, is, is taking, I think we're we're all too focused. We're taught and almost programmed to focus love in a very narrow through a narrow, narrow lens, like Love is not something we find in somebody else. Like, you know, my first company as a matchmaker was called locate your soul mate. I mean, talk about narrow focus. It's like, what the hell man? Like, I'm looking for this one person, and he's getting locate your soul mate. It's like one. It's like looking through a scope this big, like, I need to find one person out of billions of people on this planet. It's quite ridiculous to look back on, but that was where I was at, you know, in 2011 when I became a matchmaker. Think about, think about that, right. And now what I'm inviting people to do is like, it's like, actually, what I believe is that we're here to love period, full stop beautiful, and that means living lovingly. That's what loving wide is. And so when we can live lovingly, that changes your focus of your life, for sure. And that actually is a challenge. That's a challenge to live that way. This is a practice, and it's lifelong,

Monique l It for sure, is Robin, yeah, and life will continue to deal us with opportunities every day. Sometimes we'll step into them with grace, and sometimes

Robin l we won't, yep, and that's okay, because we're not here to be perfect. But I want to say that we can, we can do better. Yes, we can be better. Well, I know

Monique l that I've reflected a great deal. I've read your book twice now, reflected a great deal, even on my life. And think about, how do I do better? So I think about all the hundreds of 1000s of people who are going to read your book that those small shifts in the world will be profound. They will

Robin l they will make an impact. Like one of the chapters that I have in the book is called how our past shapes how we relate. We all have a past. We all have an upbringing. We all have a blueprint of how we were raised and how we were taught to love by our caregivers and by society, by society, by we are influenced by so many people and so many experiences we've had, and it's like, what is the blueprint that I want to that I am inevitably going to pass down to my daughters and my son? Well, you know, there's a lot of greatness, and there's also some things that I want to change. I don't want to pass that down. If you want to make the world a better place, we have to start within ourselves and without our homes and how. We are actually acting in our everyday lives, beautiful.

Monique l Yes, because that reciprocity happens, right? Sure, it does. Yeah, when you began writing, did you have a clear structure in mind for how you wanted your book to unfold, or did it change over time? I think I

Robin l had concepts of like, love is the curriculum. Like that was one of the first chapters I wanted to write about how life is the school we're in. It people, whether you want to be here or not, like we signed up for this, and it's like life is the school. And you know what? We're here to learn how to love. If there's one thing that I think we all struggle with what we all want so badly. It's love, because we need it. But when you when you go into structure, I didn't have a structure. I had a whole bunch of ideas, a whole bunch of like things I wanted to talk about. And it wasn't until I started working with the greats like you and we had, I had two other editors with soul print, my publishing company. Now, how amazing is that to say? But they really helped me shape it into like what, what became like much more understandable, like weaving it, weaving the concepts in to to a journey, the journey that it is,

Monique l and weaving your life stories and your important experiences that you're really vulnerable and sharing in your book Robin, weaving those with what you've learned from the amazing teachers that you've had who have not only crossed your path, but have really influenced your life's journey. Have they ever Yeah, what was the hardest thing to put on the page?

Robin l The hardest chapter to write was the chapter called what love is not. And I I spent out of the out of the book, the most hours on that chapter. It was like when I wrote it, the first time it was like, and that's the beauty of writing. Now I know as as an author, I could say I'm an author now, but I didn't realize how how writing really changes your understanding. And it was like I was my understanding was getting deeper, deeper deeper as I was distilling the what I thought was the story, and trying to portray that message in a way that would be understandable and true from my experience. So I had to rewrite it and rewrite it and rewrite it. And no, that's not it. It's not that. It's deeper. It's deeper than that. That's not it. It's deeper than that.

Monique l It's interesting to me that you speak of that chapter as being the most difficult, because as I was reading each version of it, one of the things that struck me so profoundly, and I think is such a testament to who you are, Robin and to your character, was that at no point were you despairingly towards that human being. No point were you disrespectful towards that human being, that even though it was a difficult chapter, you still wanted to uphold their dignity and respect, and I think that says so much about you and how you love wide. Yeah, it's like, I'm not going to accept those behaviors, but I can still love wide. And I love that teaching in the book that you talk in many chapters about, how do we reflect on ourselves? And you don't always say it this way, but how do we reflect on ourselves and make small changes in order to love wide it's really beautiful way that you have written and told your stories and woven in the content and the information and the wisdom of those who have been teachers for you, both formally with a doctor behind them, but also those humans who have come into your life who have also been

Robin l immense teachers. Thank you, Monique, for what you just said. That was very kind. What I was reflecting on just this morning was like, what I was what I was thinking about, was like when I started real love ready in 2019 how different my life is now in 2026 so in those seven years, what has changed and what I've gone through, and if we all went seven years back and take took a look at our lives, then to where they are now, we would all be like, just in awe right on how much has transpired changed, how much we've grown in seven years time and for and one of the reasons I had such a hard time with writing that chapter was because when I was in it, and when I finally did separate and divorce my second husband, I was just lost in in like, a very dark place of shame, of like, how could I this? You know, I I'm smart and I'm very loving and I'm a good person and like, and I'm not. Naive. So how did I end up in such a bad relationship and one of our like, I mean, but I've been taught by the teachers like Dr Romany and Terry real and so many others, Dr Solomon, like, you know all that, if the greats like that, you know, this is not a fault of our own. This is human nature, okay? So that had to sink in. I had to come to really understand that I wouldn't be sitting in this chair talking to you from this place of really. I lived what love is not, and I've experienced it on such, on many, many levels, and that relationship was the perfect, like pressure cooker experience for the years that we were together, for me to actually be able to talk about what love is, not from this place of like I'm out of it now. I'm healed from it, like I really am. I forgiven myself and I forgave him doesn't mean I'm have relationship with this person, because I don't, but I'm not carrying him anymore with me from a place of pain. He can no longer affect me in that way of like what we shared, you know, and now I can speak and be able to relate to people that are in relationships that are harming them from a very experiential place I lived it. So I actually am very grateful for that now, because I can say I know what love is not. It's clearly like all those things that I thought that love was, I know is not, and now I do know very clearly what love is like. I you know what I mean, and love is many, many, many things, but I also understand what

Monique l it's not. And it seems to me, as I was reading again, how much also that relationship was transformative and like kind of brought you to the beauty of you coming out even more so, but also allowed you to understand forgiveness in a way that you never had before, right? And that that's also a beautiful chapter in real love, ready, right? A Guide to relational literacy. It's so beautiful in there about forgiveness, as you nuance said, the also the ability to forgive ourselves for the situations or the relationships or the relationships that we find ourselves in, and go, What? How did this happen? And then it's like, oh, this might have been my greatest learning opportunity in my whole life, yes, and that's how I read that opportunity in your book. So you also say, I've been, pardon me, I've known both the ecstasy and the ache of love, two divorces, a destructive marriage marked by narcissistic abuse, the devastating and sudden losses of both my twin brother and my father, who were my anchors, my rocks. In other words, I lived the full spectrum of love and loss. Know this, our relationships are our greatest treasures. Chasing material success or status may feel important for a time, but all of it fades. What endures is the love we share, the love we give and the love we leave imprinted on the hearts of others. I want to show you that even if you are in the midst of heartbreak, disappointment, a crisis of faith. Loving wide is still possible. I believe that while we are here, we have both the ability and the responsibility to love better, not perfectly, but courageously. This book is my offering to show you how so this book is your offering to show ways to love better. I'm curious, how has the book changed your understanding, again, of yourself and of your past? Writing this book

Robin l really did, really did change me. And I don't know if I shared this with you or not, but you know, I feel like I've been on a journey of like, betterment, you know, and healing, I gotta heal. I gotta heal. Heal. Feels like I've been wanting to heal myself forever, like I can't remember a time when I didn't want to heal myself. I actually finally came to a place in my life, and it was through the writing of this book, and just really coming to a place, like, I'm done healing, like, and I don't mean like forever, probably maybe not like, but all that stuff that used to take up a lot of space in my mind and my heart, it's not there anymore. Like I'm present. I'm living differently now. I'm not I'm not living from a place of pain anymore. I'm not living from a place of struggle. I feel healed, and I feel like I don't want to talk about the past anymore, from like, the past is the past. I could talk about it. I wrote a story about it, but I'm now in the present, and I'm looking forward into the future, like, but more than anything, I'm present. I'm telling you that's a that's a very powerful place to be. It's a very. Peaceful place to be, like, I have peace for the first time in my life. Wow, I'm living it money, like I feel like, at peace. That's, that's pretty awesome.

Monique l Yeah, I love how this gift that you've given to the world was also a gift to yourself as a gift to myself. Yeah, through the healing. Yeah.

Robin l Well, and you can't, you can't give something

Monique l that you don't have. And I think that's what for me. I know when I was reading your book that I felt the realness of it. You know, sometimes you buy a book and you think, Oh, this will be good for me or my relationships, and you get into and it's like, it's not fitting, but your book is just like and I think part of it is because of your stories, right? We learn so much through stories and your beautiful way that you woven the stories and the content and the information and the wisdom from the experts. Yeah, it's truly remarkable. What a gift you've given us, and I'm glad to hear it was a gift for you as well. Oh my gosh,

Robin l it was transformational. Without a doubt.

Monique l What conversations do you hope your book is a catalyst for it's

Robin l going to create some positive change. I have the utmost faith in that. I was just in Los Angeles a few weeks ago, and my colleagues, the soul print team, we did a video production where I interviewed nine different guests about the themes in our in my book. And for instance, one of the conversations was had with a man named Shaka Senghor. He spent 19 years in prison, and seven of those years was he was in isolation. When he was 19 years old, he was drug dealing on the streets, and drug dealing was a very bad situation he was in. And the thing is, he had come from like a family of like he was going to become a doctor. That was a dream. So, you know, the story of his life is so remarkable, and the drug deal gone went bad, and he pulled out a gun and shot the man, and the man died. So he ended up 19 years in prison, and during that time, he learned about forgiveness. So here he is, and he's written. He's written three books now, and here he is traveling the world, and he's teaching people about redemption, about forgiveness, about, you know, he's he is working with at Yes, at risk, youth like he was when he was 19, and, you know, younger and and changing lives for the better. He served his time, and now he is serving the world. And so these are the stories that I mean. I didn't expect to be sitting across from a man like that. I've never in my life talked to somebody who had like, like, had spent time in jail, prison. He corrected me, Robin's not jail, it's prison. And I was like, Okay, we're all here to learn from each other, you know? And what a great example of somebody who is living forgiveness and teaching forgiveness. So that's what I'm interested like. Wherever this takes this book takes me, it's I believe I'm on the right path, yes, and so I'm open.

Monique l I love that, because I think it's also a book that will be a catalyst for conversation in in the reader's lives? Yes, right, whether it's internal conversations, like you talked about when you know when you were writing your own internal conversations, conversations with friends, with partners, with colleagues, with their children, it is such a beautiful way to open doors for exploration about how do I love wide and who are the people who I want to intimately love widely with? Yes, thank you for

Robin l this gift. I hope this spurs book clubs and like and times people sit around and talk about, you know, I say forgiveness. You know, we've talked about it. I've mentioned it many times this conversation, because it's like, that's, that's something that people don't talk a lot about, and that's a very important and powerful, powerful act of love. Yes, forgiveness is a powerful act of love. And so let's talk about, you know, we could talk about that, for instance, and then. And we can talk about, you know, how our past shapes, how we relate. We talk about friendship, the gift of friendships in our lives and opening up to new ways of love.

Monique l Think that's part of the beauty when I was reading, is that it allowed me through your stories and your vulnerability, it allowed me to reflect in another way, also right, like, okay, what are the stories in my family that have blueprinted me in ways that still today, at this age, I'm not necessarily fond of. And so by reading your book, there were pieces I was like, Oh, I can implement that. Oh, I could try that out. Oh, that's another way to think about that. So I think that in our own. Vulnerabilities and sharing them. We open the door for light to come in, for other people to also reflect on their own vulnerabilities and lived experiences. And because of the way you've written, not only does it cause me then to reflect on my own lived experience, but there is content in there and information for me to make change. And that's what I think is so powerful about your book, Robin,

Robin l yes, like that. You know, this isn't just a book of stories. You know, it's not just Robin's story. Here you go. Here's her life. I hope you enjoy entertainment that wasn't the intention and it's, it's meant to be a tool for us to learn and reflect. The reflections are so important because, you know, I'm going to give you an example of like Vienna Farron. She's a therapist in New York, an amazing teacher who teaches about origin wounds. We all have wounds of origin, whether it's be, you know, I want to be prioritized. We all have a human need to be prioritized. We all have a human need to feel worthy, right? These are, these are human needs. And all of us have one or more or all origin wounds, yes, so that's liberating. Yes, these are human issues. Like, just because I was raised, you know, in Calgary, this in this day and age, and like, you know what I mean, I could go through all the way where I was in my circumstances. We are all going to have commonalities. That's why we share stories, right? So that we can say, oh, yeah, me too. I felt like that at this time of my life, or I went through that. Like, like, you know the lessons about, for instance, vulnerability. This is human challenge, like a human challenge, of sharing our most deepest parts. And you know why that is, is because we've we've all had experiences where we've shared something very tender with another person, whether we were in a love relationship with them or not, or like and it wasn't received well. It was thrown back in our face, and that causes huge pain. Vulnerability is one of those things that I really distilled. I wanted to distill in the chapter in many different ways. How it shows up, because it comes into trust. Is like, we learn to trust through experience with people, and it's like, I now I know, as an A 48 year old woman, if I'm with somebody new, let's say it's like, I'll tell you a little bit about me. Share, sir, share some things and see how you receive it. Like, now I know how to do that. Now I know how to gage if I can trust you with more of myself, and then maybe more next time you know like trust is built, we're not taught how to actually navigate relationships so that we could we can stay in integrity with ourselves

Monique l and trust ourselves, trust ourselves, not only trusting the other person, but also trusting ourselves. Which leads me to, you know what's next for you, because it is one of the things that I find most unique about you, is the trust that you have for yourself on new expeditions. I'm always curious, what is Robin up to now? What is Robin up to now? And so you've referenced a couple times, Soul print, yes, the new publishing company. So I'd love if you'd share with us about your new chapter as a publisher.

Robin l Yeah. Wow. A publisher, yeah. So I have three business partners, John Tara and Hillary and John Kim. He's now a friend, a good friend of mine, and now business partner. Good. Go figure, go figure. He was

Monique l one of the people at the second in bloom.

Robin l So he spoke at our in bloom in 2023 if I'm correct, 2024 and John Kim also was one of the first speakers teachers at one of our first online summits, because covid hit, and so we couldn't do our first in person. We had to do it over over. Zoom. So John Kim has been in the real love, ready orbit and in our community as a teacher, as a learner, for years, and he contacted me while I started, when I first started when I first started writing my book, and he said, Robin, I have a dream, and I want to start a publishing company. And he said, the first person I thought to call was you. And I thought, holy shit, man, this is right up my alley, yes, John, the answer is yes. Like, I didn't even have to think about it. It was just like, a yes. It was like, came in from the from the gods, like from the heaven, just like a and I was like, Yes, I do. Yes, I do. And it just felt like, what a marriage like, I'm writing this book, and now I get to publish it, and we're going to publish other people's amazing books, like. Like, how exciting is that? And it really brought me back to how I started real love, ready? That idea was born because I went to a Hay House Publishing event in Vancouver called I can do it. That was in 2013 that was the year we met. And it was right after my brother had died, Reese died and and I said to my best friend, Jenny, I was like, let's go to I can do it. It's it's gonna be. All I know is, I need this. Okay, I need to go. It's in Vancouver, and you need to come with me. Will you come? And she was like, yes. And so she flew from Calgary, and we spent the weekend. And it was life changing. It's when you go to an I can do it event. And you can when I saw Wayne Dyer and he I listened to him for three hours. I was like, changed, changed. Like the energy that man emits is pure love. He is giving nothing but pure love, and His wisdom is challenged. It channeled. So that was the experience of like, 123, like five, six, speakers taking the stage, and you leave, changed. And that's what happened to me. And I said to Jenny that night, I was like, I want to host my own I can do it like, this is what I want to do. Like I feel like that is going to be part of my life's mission, or something I'm going to do. And fast forward to 2021 we hosted our very first in bloom, and and it. And now I'm starting a publishing company where I can and you know, we're already doing large scale events to change how people think about and how they how they behave in love. And now I, my dream is to bring publishing to the world and work to the world, people to the world that'll help us. You know, in our lives in very in very transformational ways.

Monique l I love that you talked a couple times in this last little segment about dreams, because I think that that's a through line through your work, that in real love, ready in your book, it is an opportunity for people to dream a new way of being for themselves in the world, but also their relationships. And then when you talked about soul print, you talked about the dream that people have to be published, and how you can be a catalyst for that to come to reality. Yes, it's beautiful to think about in that way. Wow. Because in, you know, I've heard you talk a lot about being a way shower, and I think when we're way showers, when we help people, when we share a light for people to find a way forward, that we also open possibilities for their dreams. And so your contributions are really about one being a way shower, but also about being a dream maker. Dream maker. Ah, how has writing, real love, ready shaped the kind of stories you want to publish as a publisher?

Robin l I don't, I don't know if I really have what we've said as as a team, our soul print team. We said we want to be disruptors. And when John describes it like John Kim, like that man is so brilliant. He's his words like he's a poet, and it just like comes out of him, like, Wow. It's amazing. Everything he says and writes like he is such a writer and such an author at heart and disrupting in, like, the most positive way. And that is what it is. It's like when I think about the world right now, I see this in like, it's it is happening. It's happening all around me, and I'm your I know you're going to confirm this, because you're one of the people, Monique, it's like, we are disrupting, and it is a ripple effect. It's like, you think that you're little like and it's not little, though that's the thing is, like disruption on such like, and we can all be disruptors. And it's like, in a positive way, I think about like, skipping rocks as a little kid. It's like, you're skipping the rock and you're throwing this little thing, right? It's flat and it's but it skips all the way across the lake. And we'd like, have competitions like, oh my god, that was like, seven. And it's like, and that ripple still goes, Oh, yeah, you know. And it's like, that's the thing. It's like, if we are all disruptors in our lives, we're going to create the rise in the consciousness on this planet. That's where I see soul print making a huge impact. The reason we named our company soul print is because we all have souls, and our souls are imprints in this in this life, we all have an individual soul print. It's like a fingerprint like but this body I'm in right now, it's going to die when it's going to die, but my soul is going to live on, and what I leave in this lifetime, I hope it makes a huge impact on people that is my. Hope like and a very positive impact and and we have, we all have the power to do that for each other.

Monique l I love that idea of being a disruptor, using love and joy, hope and dream, right, as the medicine of disruption.

Robin l Yes, disruption doesn't have to be bad. It's good, like we need to shake things up.

Monique l Like, because I've been in a marriage for 31 years, and when I was reading pieces in here, I'm like, Ah, that's a shake up that we need, right? So that's what I love it. I love your book because it's not just for people who might be looking for a relationship, and it isn't only about relationships in the intimate partner ways. It's also about our families, our workplaces, raising our children, our friendships, how we are in community. It is about being real love ready in all realms of our world,

Robin l all realms of our world. Because guess what? You can't be like, I don't believe it. Okay. I do not believe that somebody. They've got, you know, they've got amazing, immaculate, incredible relationships in their families, but they're a total asshole at work. I actually think if you are a leader in, if you are, if you're leading your life with love, at home, in your friendships, you could do the same at work. And it's like, it's like, where's there's no there's no need to be, there's no facade here. Like, I want to be the person I want to be, the robin that people know me to be. Like, you know you're my friend. And it's like, if I'm not treating people, all people like I'm treating you, that's fake, yes, like, that's just absolutely not, that's not okay. I call bullshit. So I'm like, I really do think that it's like, we have, we can be loving in all areas of our life. That's what love is. It's like, it's not reserved for a few, it's, it's, we could do it in every aspect. And I'm not talking about butterflies and rainbows and like, Well, I do love butterflies and rainbows. I mean, they're two of my favorite things. But I'm talking about the real the real deal on like, if there's dishonesty or whatever, like, or non accountability, like, let's let's do all the things being loving is not easy. Being loving is not easy all the time. It's not, it's actually really difficult, but we can all do it. And sometimes it's putting up a boundary. Sometimes it's having a really hard conversation that needs to be had. Sometimes it's like, you know, sometimes it actually, love. Love Actually demands so much of your strength and fortitude. It's like, one of the hardest things you're going to have to do, but you know, you have to do it because you've dedicated your life to being more loving. So, you know what? Once you start on this road, you can't go back. No, actually, that's the other thing. Once you've dedicated your life to being more loving, it's that you're going to be tasked, over and over again to step it up, and that's okay, but doesn't make it easy.

Monique l Doesn't make it easy. And I don't know about you, but I love easy parts in my life, but I haven't come here to just have it easy all the time, right? Learning happens in the easy but the muddy parts also, yeah, yeah. And I don't know, I remember when my kids were little and a muddy day was one of the best days, right? Especially after the bath. Yeah, yeah. And I think that's like, love, right? We get in the mud of it, and then we come out the other side, hopefully. And that's part of what your beautiful book, real love, ready, helps us do is come out the other side clean, right? That we haven't gone below the line in what we've said to people. We haven't been nasty. We don't have to have a whole lot of remorse, right, but we can have moments to reflect. And so your book has so many nuggets to take away in our intimate relationships, in our friendships, in our workplaces, with our children, with our community. Yeah, I love how you have taken love and not just focused on our intimate relationships, but love in all our ways of being.

Robin l I love what you said right there about clean. Like, I love that concept because I want my relationships to be clean. Like, if there's, if there's clarity that needs to be had, let's have it. Let's let's create, let's create the clarity, right? If there's, if there's any confusion, like, I'm confused right now, like, can we? Can I? Can I ask for some clarity? Like, Hector and I have, have actually promised each other this in our relationship, if there's stuff like, we do every effort as soon as we can, to have clarity. And what a great way to be, right? So you don't have, like, any, like, just keep it clean.

Monique l You know, through all that you talk about in your book, The healing journey you've been on and now you have this really, you know, I've met Hector, and I'm quite enamored with him, because he

Robin l I love Hector so much. You really do. I adore him.

Monique l Yeah, he's. Just beautiful human,

Robin l using beautiful, beautiful human and all things,

Monique l I'm curious about what transformation had to happen inside of you to generate a relationship like this. Now, I

Robin l think there's this misconception in the world, especially in our world of relation, love of relationships, healing, self betterment, self help, that we have to be fully healed in order to love another. That's not true, because we're on a life, life's work, our life's work, right, is learning and growing together and healing. But I would say that I finally came to a place in my own self where it's like, Gosh darn it, Robin, you're pretty awesome. And I love myself. I'm also with somebody who is on the same path of wanting to be accountable for 100% of his actions and his behaviors and his relationships and all the things wanting to grow when you're with somebody that actually is dedicated to that too.

Monique l The sky's the limit. I saw that, you know, last year at the in bloom summit on the dinner on Saturday night, when you take all the speakers, I was sitting beside Anne Marie hoggia, and we were looking down at the end of the table, where you and Hector were sitting side by side, and we were just like, I think we felt like, kind of like a couple aunties who see their their niece who's just glowing, but you were glowing, and he was too like he was so happy for you. And I think that's what brought me such joy, was to see you with a partner who held you up and was revered by what was happening for you, the joys, the successes, and wasn't threatened by them. He wasn't threatened by your love for the world shining. And that's a really precious gift to have. Is a partner who holds you up rather than being threatened by you.

Robin l Oh, my goodness me, I so appreciate that the way that, like I always dreamed of having a relationship, and this is what I have now, I'm just so grateful.

Monique l So I'm curious, just as we come to close in the support that you have, what's your next contribution to the wellness of our world.

Robin l You know, Monique, I don't know what that's going to look like, but I know what. I do know my contribution, the most powerful contribution any of us can have, the greatest contribution that we can give to the world is is being fully ourselves, being fully authentic and the most loving being we can be. And I mean that as in, like, the power of that. We don't realize it until we actually are in it and doing it, and then, you know what you do, you will see the effects. Like, that's the power of love. That is the power of love. And it's not focusing on what other people are doing, because that gets you that gets in your way, that sides a bad idea. Like, you know, we can do that. We do that a lot. Like, I catch myself all the time. I'm like, Well, I wonder what they think about that, and what, what's going on in their life when we're here. Like, think about all the energy spent thinking about other people and what worry. That's another thing. Like, don't drain, don't drain your energy. Don't deplete your energy on worry. Because worry is like, energy that totally misused. You know, it's time spent. And then, like, I was futurizing Before I used to future. Think I was like, lost in the future all the time. I'm like, Robin, get back in the present. Our power is in the present. So that is, I believe I'm making a difference just by being in myself, in my full full self.

Monique l Now that's beautiful. And I feel like being in your full full self, you've got all these contributions that are coming in beautiful and profound ways. You know, real love ready? We've got this beautiful book, A Guide to relational literacy, coming out in just a couple of days. You've got in bloom, the summit coming up in a few weeks, almost a month away. Now, you've got your live on Instagram all the time. You've got your podcasts. You're contributing to love in the world in such profound ways. So you know, we're gathered today on lekwungen Speaking people's territory, also known as Victoria British Columbia, Canada. And one of the ways that these people honor people and hold up people with dignity is to raise their hands. So I just want to raise my hands to you for your beautiful contributions to the wellness of our world.

Robin l You too, honestly. Love you so much. Thank you. Love you. Bye.

RLR Team l Thank you so much for listening. This podcast is hosted by Robin Ducharme. Please subscribe and rate our show. We value your feedback as it helps us bring you the resources you need to improve your relationships. Visit us at realloveready.com to attend our annual In Bloom summit and to access more ways to build your relational literacy, we honor and express gratitude to the Co Salish people, the stewards of the land on which we work and play. Blessings to you in love and in life.