Is It Too Late To Break The Cycle? — Terry Real
There is a version of love most of us were never shown. Not because it doesn't exist, but because the people who raised us hadn't found it yet either.
Terry Real has spent his life showing us what that love looks like. He is a family therapist, the creator of Relational Life Therapy, the founder of the Relational Life Institute, and the bestselling author of four books including Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. His first book, I Don't Want to Talk About It, published in 1997, was the first book ever written on male depression. Esther Perel has said, ‘When I need advice, I call Terry Real.’
He is also Robin's former therapist. He sat with her through one of the hardest chapters of her life. And this conversation is unlike any other in this series, because today Robin gets to flip the dynamic and ask Terry questions.
In this episode, recorded in Boston, they explore what it actually takes to break the cycle of generational trauma and love better than we were taught. They talk about the Adaptive Child and the Wise Adult, why grandiosity feels good and what it costs you, and what it means to be the one person in a generation who turns and faces the flames.
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/loveready.
IN THIS EPISODE
(00:00:00) Introduction
(00:01:23) Meet Terry Real
(00:02:42) The Work That Saved Robin
(00:06:38) Terry's Origin Story
(00:12:52) Breaking the Cycle
(00:16:14) Something Better Than This
(00:26:15) Is It Too Late? The Wounded vs. Adaptive Child
(00:33:41) Never Too Late
(00:37:42) Men & Masculinity
(00:49:10) Grandiosity, Contempt & Empowerment
(01:01:33) Myths of Love & Defining It
QUOTES
“If you treat someone as they are, they will be as they are. If you treat someone as they ought to be, they may become who they ought to be." – Terry Real
“The only thing that counts is love, and everything else is just BS” – Terry Real
"Family pathology rolls from generation to generation like a fire in the woods until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow." – Terry Real
"The relational answer to the question who's right and who's wrong is 'who cares?'" – Terry Real
ABOUT THE GUEST
Terry Real is a nationally recognized family therapist and the creator of Relational Life Therapy (RLT). He's the author of four books, including the New York Times bestseller Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship and I Don't Want to Talk About It, the first book ever written about male depression. A former senior faculty member at the Family Institute of Cambridge and Clinical Fellow at the Meadows Institute in Arizona, Terry now trains therapists in his RLT method and leads workshops for couples and individuals through the Relational Life Institute.
Instagram:www.instagram.com/realterryreal/
Website: https://terryreal.com/
GET THE REAL LOVE READY BOOK
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https://geni.us/RealLoveReadyBook
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