The Stories We Tell About Love — Lori Gottlieb
We are all unreliable narrators of our own lives.
The story we tell ourselves about why a relationship ended, why we have not met the right person, or why someone else needs to change before things can get better may feel completely true. But it is still only one side of the story.
Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist, bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, New York Times advice columnist, and host of the podcasts Dear Therapists and Since You Asked. She has spent years listening to the stories people tell about their lives, while also being honest about her own experience on the other side of the couch.
In this special episode of Real Love Ready, recorded live at the Global Love Conference in New York City, Robin and Lori explore what changes when we become willing to question our own version of events.
Together, they talk about why the most dangerous story in a relationship is that everything was the other person’s fault, what flexibility can tell us about someone’s capacity for partnership, and how to know whether someone is genuinely ready for love. They discuss ghosting, rejection, chemistry, and the conversations we are often afraid to have early on in a relationship.
They also look at how AI and texting are changing intimacy, what many of us have been taught about vulnerability, and what it takes to make room for someone new after divorce, loss, or a whole life lived before them.
This is a conversation about becoming a more honest narrator of your own life, not by taking responsibility for everything, but by getting curious about the part that belongs to you.
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/loveready.
IN THIS EPISODE
(00:00:00) Introduction
(00:06:52) The Stories We Tell Ourselves
(00:10:20) Unfinished Business & Flexibility
(00:14:38) Are You Actually Ready for a Relationship?
(00:17:19) Ghosting, Rejection & Taking It Personally
(00:22:37) The Cement Is Still Wet: Speak Up Early
(00:25:51) The Conversations Couples Need to Have
(00:29:28) AI, Texting & Real Connection
(00:38:02) Starting Over & Making Room for Someone New
(00:45:34) Situationships, Infidelity & Audience Questions
QUOTES
“It’s not that people aren’t telling the truth; it’s that they’re telling the truth as they see it.” – Lori Gottlieb
“The stories we tell ourselves often shape the way we love.” – Robin Ducharme
“Relationships are like cement. In the beginning of a relationship, the cement is still wet.” – Lori Gottlieb
“It’s so much about communication. It’s so much about just being honest. It’s scary to have those hard conversations, but you have to have them.” – Robin Ducharme
“The easy part of a relationship is: we are both really interested in each other. The harder part is, how do we deal with difficulties that come up?” – Lori Gottlieb
ABOUT THE GUEST
Lori Gottlieb is a licensed psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which has sold more than three million copies and been translated into more than 30 languages. She writes The New York Times' "Ask the Therapist" advice column, co-hosts the podcasts Dear Therapists and Since You Asked, and spent six years writing The Atlantic's "Dear Therapist" column. Her highly acclaimed 2019 TED Talk, "How Changing Your Story Can Change Your Life," has been viewed more than 7 million times and was named one of the year's 10 Most-Watched TED Talks. Lori is a frequent guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Today, CBS Mornings, CNN, and NPR's Fresh Air.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lorigottlieb_author/
Website: https://lorigottlieb.com/
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